Ok- the 4th anniversary (or 5th according to my LinkedIn profile) of my social media career is here. And, only because I’ve been doing it for much of my adolescence and am now officially in my mid-twenties, am I able to write this article. (Yeah, that’s right, I refer to my blog posts as articles. I am a business woman.)

When you reach a certain age, you will feel the need to influence the younger generations. You will feel it is your duty to arm the new army. Fortunately, I aced the ASVAB and am here and ready to serve.

Disclosure: *please note that not everything in this article is based on fact.*

Without further ado, here are 10 traits of a Social Media Genius.

1. They have a lot of friends and followers.

For someone to be a social media genius, they have to walk the walk. That’s right, I’m telling you now. I will never take advice from a social media director, vice president, strategist, producer, manager, whatever who has less than 300 friends on Facebook and 700 Followers on Twitter. Also, there has to be an average of at least 35% of follows to followed by. Basically saying that 35% of the people who I follow, follow me back. Why is this important? Because social media geniuses only follow interesting, popular people and their co-workers. With that, if 35% of the celebrities I follow follow me back, it means I’m somewhat important in a sad, sad world.

2. They know which app permissions are evadable and how to evade them.

Ah yes, the Facebook API. Highly feared and uncharted by many. A social media genius should know which permissions to request to benefit your Facebook initiative. They’ll also be able to tell you which ones users freak out at, which ones users can delete after acceptance, and which ones you need to have for whatever automatic-breakfast-making app you’re concocting.

3. They secretly manage a community for a very famous celebrity or alter-ego.

And you’ll probably never know because they’re under a strict NDA.

4. They have a day job and it’s probably in advertising.

Because no self-respecting social media genius would let their talents go to waste. Where better to assert your genius than at the helms of big-brand central? Also, where else can you work on things like Coke and Jack Daniels and actually get paid to tweet? Not at your legalzoom certified LLC., Sorry.

5.They can write about anything.

I don’t think this needs much explanation. Give ‘em a topic, see what happens.

6. They will always do pro-bono work if it’s for a band they like.

Everyone knows the hardest and most rewarding work to do as a social media genius is musician promo. Why? Because you can stretch the limits. Writing, Live Events, Merch Sales, Solicitation, Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll. Then, when that band gets picked up by some small indie-label, they’ll credit their success to their social media efforts – and how social media helped them in an industry destroyed by digital technology. And obviously that looks bad-ass on your resume “Taking nothing and turning it into something”. It also lets you showcase your secret photography skills and gives you more cred when it’s time for you to speak on a SxSw panel.

7. They never post things about social media on their Facebook profile, unless it’s something that they’re getting major press for, like a Fast Company nod or a CNN article.

Why? Because Facebook is real friends only. And friends would rather look at drunk pictures of you from yesterday afternoon.

8. If they had enough start-up capital, they’d start their own company.

And this company would probably make websites or mobile apps.

9. There are always at least 30 people at their birthday parties.

Because if you’re a social maven online, you must be one offline, too. If you can get 30 people to show up at the same place, at the same time, for the same reason (without advertising free booze), you must be special.

l0. They’re exactly how you’d think they’d be in person.

Maybe a little prettier. Otherwise, there’s no faking.